Vaudeville

WUNCH: Plural of Bankers. I.e: A WUNCH OF BANKERS.

From COLLINS ENGLISH DICTIONARY.

I went into the bank the other day. The guy behind the counter told me that I must pay a seventy pound charge. When I asked what for, he simply replied : For being born, you peasant.

Well I think these banks have gotten out of control. Did you know that Benny Hill and Diana Dors both left huge boxes of money, buried in mystery locations, then died without leaving proper maps? Its true. They didn’t trust in the banks.

So lets start searching now. The loot is out there somewhere.

But seriously folks. The rich have gotten out of hand. They’ve been bumming us in the mouth for too long now. Its time to stand up. To say NO!

And here’s how.

Have you seen those stupid adverts that are supposed to frighten benefit cheats- the ones that say: we’ve caught one hundred people this year! So the net is closing in around you, you twelve year old single mother scum!

OR WORDS TO THAT EFFECT.

Well, it seems to me that they are in fact rubbish at catching benefit cheats. So here’s my advice to the brave amongst you: open your eyes and see the true message of these adverts:

on a low wage? Why not double your earnings immediately!?

Simply carry on doing your job, but nip into the dole and sign on in your lunch break.

There is a tiny chance of getting caught. But far smaller, statistically, than the chance of spontaneous human combustion.

Probably.

AND JUST THINK OF THE THINGS YOU CAN BUY WITH THE MONEY:

Blakeys segs.

Plasticine.

Boxing lessons.

Everything you need to help you survive the Mad Max style world that is about to dawn, as the money system collapses, retarded nail bombers sprout from every nook and cranny, and the amount of money you are required by new BBC laws to spend on toy Daleks (to boost the license fee,) is so financially crippling that your life is destroyed as effectively as if real Daleks had invaded.

This society is a ludicrous farce isn’t it.

A BIT LIKE ‘ALLO ‘ALLO.

Its not funny but idiots all over the world keep buying into it. FOR SEVEN FUCKING SERIES AND IT WAS ONLY STOPPED WHEN A HURRICANE SENT A PLANK FLYING OFF THE BACK OF A LORRY INTO THE HEAD OF STAR GORDON ‘RENE’ KAYE!*

So all I can say is:

I hope a plank goes flying into the face of international laissez faire capitalism sometime soon, and this played out geriatric nonsense can be replaced by something trendy like The Mighty Boosh. I.E an anarchic fantasy world where the government can be trusted to help the weak and protect the planet, and Gorillas can talk.

Do you think I stretched the analogy too far?

Your humble savant,

THE VAUDEVILLIAN

*No disrespect intended to Gordon Kaye who’s probably a very nice man. If not a funny one.